The Brain Salad Surgery Review Club

“Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends, We’re so glad you could attend, Come inside! Come inside!”

Google “Brain Salad Surgery review” (Brain Salad Surgery being the fourth studio album by prog behemoths Emerson, Lake and Palmer) and you’ll probably find 20,000 or so more reviews of the 1973 album, better written and more entertaining than this one; such is its status as a cornerstone of prog rock.

I’ve not tried it out for myself, so I can’t absolutely be sure this is right, but I think I’m pretty safe in assuming that there are one or two others out there who’ve had the same idea as me. With an album this big, it would be rude not to.

Therefore I have laid out a blueprint of how those reviews probably read, one which can be followed by anybody else further down the line who might wish to join the Brain Salad Surgery Review Club™. Pay on the door, please.

• Mention the cover. More importantly, mention that the cover was designed by H.R. Giger. For extra show-off points say how H.R. Giger is the artist that designed the Alien for Ridley Scott’s 1979 film of the same name and its subsequent sequels.

• Inform the curious that Brain Salad Surgery is considered by many to be ELP’s crowning glory. A summit to which there was no return.

• Don’t forget that the original lyrics for Brain Salad Surgery were penned by Greg Lake and former King Crimson collaborator Peter Sinfield. We say “original lyrics”, as the first track is in fact a souped up adaptation of Hubert Parry’s ‘Jerusalem’, using the familiar words taken from William Blakes’ preface to his Milton a Poem.

• For a more thorough rundown of the album it might be worth bearing the following in mind: ‘Jerusalem’ isn’t the only track not to have stemmed from the band’s own fair hand. ‘Tocatta’ is a reinterpretation of the fourth movement of Alberto Ginastera’s 1^st Piano Concerto, arranged by keyboard wunderkind Keith Emerson and boasting some fine effects throughout.

• ‘Still… You Turn Me On’ is almost a lighter in the air moment, saved once again by Emerson’s masterly keyboard wizardry. Use as many superlatives as you like to describe Keith Emerson’s adeptness at tickling the ivories, as they’ll help to divert the attention from the otherwise sogginess of this rather bland ballad.

• If you’re based in England then you’ll probably know what we mean when we say ‘Benny the Bouncer’ sounds like a knees up at an East End battle cruiser. Suggest that the listener may wish to sport a trilby while enjoying this bawdy respite from the otherwise prog seriousness.

• Which will bring you nicely to ‘Karn Evil 9′. Now pay attention, there’s a fair bit to take in here. ‘Karn Evil 9′ is a thirty minute progressive piece separated into three movements, or “impressions” as they are referred to here. You might wish to point out that two vocal sections sandwich an instrumental section, but the three parts have no real connection to one another and could easily have been divided into different songs. ‘Karn Evil 9: 1st Impression’ is also, somewhat confusingly, divided into two parts. For a spot of light relief, you may wish to point out at this juncture that “you could never accuse Emerson, Lake and Palmer of being pretentious.” It’s completely up to you and the mood you’re trying to convey in your own review. This would also be a good time to mention that ‘ Karn Evil 9: 1st Impression, Pt. 2′ is possibly one of ELP’s most famous recordings, alongside ‘Fanfare for the Common Man’. It’s also worth noting that despite its length and the rambling mid-section, ‘Karn Evil 9′ maintains the interest throughout, thanks once again to the lightning fingers of Keith Emerson.

• Let the reader know that it’s with ‘Karn Evil 9′ that the original album finishes, but dependent on which CD reissue they listen to, there could well be bonus tracks. Namely ‘Brain Salad Surgery’, ‘When the Apple Blossoms Bloom in the Wind’, and ‘Excerpts From Brain Salad Surgery Flexi Disc’. The latter is possibly the most pointless bonus ever, in that it’s six minutes of snippets from the album you have just listened to.

• Feel free to pepper your review with the following facts: Keith Emerson was keyboardist with The Nice; Greg Lake was singer and bassist with King Crimson; Carl Palmer played drums with The Crazy World of Arthur Brown and Atomic Rooster. The album title was taken from a line in the Dr. John song ‘Right Time, Wrong Place’, with brain salad surgery being a slang term for oral sex, hence the gloryhole sleeve. Brain Salad Surgery was released on the band’s own label, Manticore Records. The album spent 18 weeks in the UK charts, peaking at number 2 on 5^th January 1974.

• Finish off the review by adding your opinion of the album. This could be: “I like it a lot”; “It’s okay, a bit too up its own arse for my liking”; or “Would whoever finds the 45 minutes of my life I spent listening to this, kindly hand them in at reception. I’d like them back.” Take your pick.

Brain Salad Surgery by Emerson, Lake and Palmer is reissued by Sanctuary and available from Amazon.co.uk

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album reviews, prog rock